Chilly Loquaciousness

(For those who are unaware, "loquacious" means "excessively wordy," which I think describes this post in a nutshell)

How cold is it today? That's a question that cannot be answered in just a few words. Big words will be needed. Huge words. Gigantic words in lengthy descriptions will be needed to describe just how completely crazy cold, how frostbite-funneling frigid, how bone-bitingly brisk, how indescribably icy, and how horrifically hypothermic today was.

Walking to class through fiery cold wind chills and flurries of piercing snowflakes, my fingers went numb within seconds, and sparked to drink the heat as soon as I walked into the relative warmness of the school building. Then as soon as I walked back, same thing, only this time the wind changed direction so it would still blow in my face and ignite my skin regardless of the direction I walked, as if the storm had a vendetta against my attempts to stay comfortable. The wind would occasionally blow the hood of my coat up and expose my face to the elements for a few brief yet torturous seconds until I frantically brought my hood down. As I like to listen to music when walking to class and back, most of the time I don't wear gloves, and thus keep my hands in my pockets when they're not being used to control my iPhone, so bringing my hood down exposes my fingers to the unfathomable cold as well. Sometimes I wonder if I should just sacrifice my music for the ability to keep my hands warm, but without it I'm not distracted from the freezing temperatures and thus I feel even more frigid. Either I'm really cold yet focused on my music, or slightly-less cold but more focused on the temperature. Picking the lesser of these evils is the bane of my walks to class.

Getting into the car requires brushing the snow off the windshields, a process that can either be mercifully brief or long and grueling depending on whether the ice from the snow stuck to the car. Then, once I can finally see through the windshield from within, I endure temperatures that can seem even colder than outside due to the stillness of the air inside the car. Turning on the heater only works when the car itself is warm enough to create heat, which can take up to five agonizing minutes of the engine running thanks to my car's age. Then, once the heater's finally emitting warm and wonderful air, I've already reached my destination.

How cold is it today? To say it's freezing isn't doing it justice. To say it's unbearably frigid isn't using enough adjectives. If the ice planet of Hoth crashed into the Earth, the resulting nuclear winter would be a welcome change. If a radioactive snow golem born in a freak Antarctic blizzard fell in love with Elsa from "Frozen" and had a kid who inherited his mother's ice powers and his father's inhuman frigidness, the kid still could not fathom such low temperatures. It is colder than an evil overlord's glare. It's more frigid than the shadow of death. It is more unwelcome than a crazy stranger barging into my house, and more unforgiving than a murderer on a killing spree. It is cold, cold, cold, cold, COLD.

Well, okay, it was only 10 above zero today at the coldest, but I don't like cold, okay?!