I was bullied quite a bit as a kid. At summer camps, at computer camps, at school, and even at church groups, there was always some guy who constantly reminded me why I sucked, every day, all the time. They were never physical. I was never shoved into lockers or punched in the face. It was all verbal. "You're so stupid!" they would shout. "Does everyone get to have fun? Everyone except Matt?" they would say. All throughout my childhood and even a bit into my teens there would always be that one guy. There was never more than one at a time, but when an old bully retired, a new one came in. I hope they didn't realize how much they hurt me, because if they did, they're evil people. I really, truly hope they didn't realize how they made me cry. How they made me permanently wary around new people. How they made me hate myself.
Once I grew older and reached my current height of over six feet, obviously the bullying stopped. Or so I thought. For not every kind of bullying is face-to-face. In fact, in this day and age, most bullying is fought in a battleground much harder to moderate: the internet. People in the safety of behind their monitors say horrible things to others they don't even know, things they would never say to someone's face. Now that online games are a thing, there are now many new ways for someone to lower their self-esteem. Online bullies are a rampant disease, one that will probably only die when the internet dies. For people like me, who have been permanently psychologically damaged by face-to-face bullies, it makes me wary every time I boot up a game. I don't want to sacrifice the fun times I have in most of my games. But every now and then there's that one game with that one player who spews out horrible, toxic things to his teammates, to strangers he's never interacted with before.
I shouldn't be bothered by it. They're just meaningless words, spat out by a random loser whom I'll never see again. But for someone as sensitive as I am, those meaningless words hurt. They hurt bad. I've been told to kill myself just because I played badly at a video game. Not just once either, but frequently. I hope they don't really think that. I hope they don't realize how evil they sound. And the worst part is, there are people out there who are more sensitive to this stuff than I am. Some of them actually do kill themselves because of these monsters.
Bullying has always been a problem, but now that people can hide behind their computers, they can be even worse bullies and get away with it. Anonymity is a huge part of it. Studies have shown that if you video or voice chat with the people you're playing with rather than just type through a chat system, the rate of bullying goes down a huge amount. But not enough.
Internet bullying will never go away. Neither will bullying in general. There are always going to be people who need to bring down others to feel better about themselves. I speak to all those who are like me, who bring themselves down even further when they're bullied: I know you can't help feeling horrible, but please, don't sink to their level. Don't bully back. It may be tempting, but it won't help. Treat others the way you want to be treated. It's the golden rule for a reason. It's been said for thousands of years, and it will be said for thousands more. Because it's true. Because it's right. Because it's the way people should be. When I play an online game, I try my best to be friendly. I call "good game" after a match even if I've lost horribly. I help others who may not know as much about the game as I do. I use a lot of "lols" and ":P" faces in my chat messages to let people know I'm a good-natured guy. And more often that not, people appreciate me for it.
I say to all: don't be a bully. I know what it's like to be bullied relentlessly. I've felt the pain. Don't bring that on other people. I don't care if you're face-to-face or in an online session with others thousands of miles away. Bullying is never the answer. I'm still recovering from the psychological damage. Others might not be so lucky.
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